Ludwig
4th May 2016, 11:30 PM
The Match Committee: Sydney v Essendon
Longmire: Sit down, gentleman. We�ve got a tough game on Saturday.
Stuart Dew: Ya think so, Horse? It seems like an easy one to me.
Longmire: There are a few things you still don�t understand about coaching Stewy. And one of them is about magnets. A head coach is only as good as his magnets and the problem we�ve got this week is that someone�s been messin� with my magnets. Look at the names on some of these. Ya got these Geelong boys, Kelly and Stokes, here�s Jamar. There�s even one of our boys in here. Harley, I want a full investigation. No cutting corners.
Harley: The magnets are okay John. They�re just the new players added to their list this year. What did you do with the other magnets?
Longmire: I threw them out. I thought it was a hoax. Do we have a backup set?
Harley: Yeah. We usually keep a spare set around here. I�ll call Janene and ask where they are. (On the phone). ����������. Janene says we should have a spare set in the file cabinet in the corner marked �Essendon�.
Longmire: Alright. Let me grab them. (Puts his hand in the cabinet and reaches in). OUCH!
Dew: You okay, Horse?
Longmire: No, I�m not okay. I put a hole through my hand and I�m bleeding. Call Gibbsy.
Harley: Gibbsy doesn�t work here anymore. I sacked him.
Longmire: You did what?
Harley: We had to sack him to save money so we could pay for other services. You know. Player extras and consultants and stuff like that.
Longmire: Well what are we going to do? I need a doctor.
Kirk: It doesn�t look so bad to me. Why don�t you put a plaster on it? Meditate for a minute. It should be okay.
Dew: What�s in that cabinet. Let me check it out. Wow, it�s full of needles. I wonder what that�s doing here. Maybe you should call Janene in here and ask her.
Harley: I�ll get her.
Janene: Sorry about that. I forgot to mention about the syringes.
Longmire: What are they doing in here anyway?
Janene: It was Ludwig�s idea.
Longmire: Not him again. Why is he always doing stuff that I don�t know about? How can I coach the team with this sort of stuff going on behind my back?
Janene: Mr. Ireland appointed him Head of Strategic Planning.
Longmire: I hope we�re not paying him much. I don�t even see his name on the expense report. No Ludwig on here.
Janene: It�s under �Miscellaneous Consulting Services�, just below the line for Manicures & Pedicures.
Longmire: Holy Guacamole! He�s getting paid more than me. Even the manicurist is getting paid more than me. Something�s not right around here. And why in hell does Ludwig want to keep all these needles in here?
Janene: He got them from Dean �The Weapon� Robinson. He thought it could come in handy just in case Eddie and the Commission tried to take our Academy away. Sort of insurance, I guess.
Dew: See Horse, that�s why Ludwig gets paid more than you. You would have never thought of that.
Longmire: Yes I would have. I was just too busy looking for my magnets. You know, a lot of people were calling me The Weapon back in �91 after I won the Coleman Medal.
Dew: Plugger won the Coleman that year.
Longmire: Oh yeah. He just edged me out, and only because I was out injured one game.
Dew: He beat ya by 38 goals, Horse.
Longmire: That�s what I was saying. He just edged me out.
Kirk: Can we discuss the game now?
Josh Francou: Hey look everyone. John�s beer belly is gone and he�s growing a lot of hair on his head.
Harley: Wow. It�s growing like crazy. It will be down to your shoulders in a few minutes.
Longmire: Get me a mirror.
Janene: Here�s one.
Longmire: Hey. Not bad. I like it.
Harley: I wonder what was in that needle that went into your hand.
Dew: It�s got something written on it. I think its �D. Heppel�.
Harley: Maybe the needle had some of Hepple�s DNA left in it.
Rhyce Shaw: Hey Stewy. Look in there for one with the name Watson on it. I�ll take it.
McVeigh: I want the Watson one.
Shaw: I asked first. And stop pointing at me.
Henry Playfair: I�ll take the one marked �Myers�.
Francou: I want one too.
Harley: Get your hands off the Hurley one. I�d look better than you with a man bun.
Francou: You�re gonna have to fight me for it. I got here first.
Andrew Ireland (hearing the commotion): Boys, boys. Stop fighting. What on hell is going on here? It�s only Essendon. It doesn�t matter who we select this week. Hey John, you�re looking great. You�ve been working out or something?
Longmire: I�m going home to the misses before this stuff wears off.
Longmire: Sit down, gentleman. We�ve got a tough game on Saturday.
Stuart Dew: Ya think so, Horse? It seems like an easy one to me.
Longmire: There are a few things you still don�t understand about coaching Stewy. And one of them is about magnets. A head coach is only as good as his magnets and the problem we�ve got this week is that someone�s been messin� with my magnets. Look at the names on some of these. Ya got these Geelong boys, Kelly and Stokes, here�s Jamar. There�s even one of our boys in here. Harley, I want a full investigation. No cutting corners.
Harley: The magnets are okay John. They�re just the new players added to their list this year. What did you do with the other magnets?
Longmire: I threw them out. I thought it was a hoax. Do we have a backup set?
Harley: Yeah. We usually keep a spare set around here. I�ll call Janene and ask where they are. (On the phone). ����������. Janene says we should have a spare set in the file cabinet in the corner marked �Essendon�.
Longmire: Alright. Let me grab them. (Puts his hand in the cabinet and reaches in). OUCH!
Dew: You okay, Horse?
Longmire: No, I�m not okay. I put a hole through my hand and I�m bleeding. Call Gibbsy.
Harley: Gibbsy doesn�t work here anymore. I sacked him.
Longmire: You did what?
Harley: We had to sack him to save money so we could pay for other services. You know. Player extras and consultants and stuff like that.
Longmire: Well what are we going to do? I need a doctor.
Kirk: It doesn�t look so bad to me. Why don�t you put a plaster on it? Meditate for a minute. It should be okay.
Dew: What�s in that cabinet. Let me check it out. Wow, it�s full of needles. I wonder what that�s doing here. Maybe you should call Janene in here and ask her.
Harley: I�ll get her.
Janene: Sorry about that. I forgot to mention about the syringes.
Longmire: What are they doing in here anyway?
Janene: It was Ludwig�s idea.
Longmire: Not him again. Why is he always doing stuff that I don�t know about? How can I coach the team with this sort of stuff going on behind my back?
Janene: Mr. Ireland appointed him Head of Strategic Planning.
Longmire: I hope we�re not paying him much. I don�t even see his name on the expense report. No Ludwig on here.
Janene: It�s under �Miscellaneous Consulting Services�, just below the line for Manicures & Pedicures.
Longmire: Holy Guacamole! He�s getting paid more than me. Even the manicurist is getting paid more than me. Something�s not right around here. And why in hell does Ludwig want to keep all these needles in here?
Janene: He got them from Dean �The Weapon� Robinson. He thought it could come in handy just in case Eddie and the Commission tried to take our Academy away. Sort of insurance, I guess.
Dew: See Horse, that�s why Ludwig gets paid more than you. You would have never thought of that.
Longmire: Yes I would have. I was just too busy looking for my magnets. You know, a lot of people were calling me The Weapon back in �91 after I won the Coleman Medal.
Dew: Plugger won the Coleman that year.
Longmire: Oh yeah. He just edged me out, and only because I was out injured one game.
Dew: He beat ya by 38 goals, Horse.
Longmire: That�s what I was saying. He just edged me out.
Kirk: Can we discuss the game now?
Josh Francou: Hey look everyone. John�s beer belly is gone and he�s growing a lot of hair on his head.
Harley: Wow. It�s growing like crazy. It will be down to your shoulders in a few minutes.
Longmire: Get me a mirror.
Janene: Here�s one.
Longmire: Hey. Not bad. I like it.
Harley: I wonder what was in that needle that went into your hand.
Dew: It�s got something written on it. I think its �D. Heppel�.
Harley: Maybe the needle had some of Hepple�s DNA left in it.
Rhyce Shaw: Hey Stewy. Look in there for one with the name Watson on it. I�ll take it.
McVeigh: I want the Watson one.
Shaw: I asked first. And stop pointing at me.
Henry Playfair: I�ll take the one marked �Myers�.
Francou: I want one too.
Harley: Get your hands off the Hurley one. I�d look better than you with a man bun.
Francou: You�re gonna have to fight me for it. I got here first.
Andrew Ireland (hearing the commotion): Boys, boys. Stop fighting. What on hell is going on here? It�s only Essendon. It doesn�t matter who we select this week. Hey John, you�re looking great. You�ve been working out or something?
Longmire: I�m going home to the misses before this stuff wears off.