SWANSBEST
31st March 2003, 11:25 PM
AFL
Eddie & Saddam Job Swap Shock
By Cleatus Sefton-Burns
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
The Butcher of Baghdad and the Boy from Broady have agreed to swap presidencies for the current AFL and War seasons. Here is The Bladder?s analysis of this shock and awe inspiring trade.
How Collingwood Benefits From Saddam
1. Seamless transition from one dictator to another.
2. New loss prevention strategy as Collingwood supporters are armed with sniper rifles.
3. More members, as armed Collingwood supporters go on a doorknocking membership campaign.
4. Improved gas weapons including a radical remote controlled exploding football that is inflated with Mustard Gas.
5. Fairer outcomes for Collingwood ensured by Saddam who will go armed to all AFL meetings.
6. Reduce threats by kidnapping the families of major opponents
7. Assassinating AFL President, Wayne Jackson, as a warning to other bureaucrats thinking about favouring foreign clubs.
Saddam said, ?President Eddie has set up a nice little dictatorship at the Collingwood Football Club, and the Collingwood supporters have already made me feel right at home. Allah willing, we will crush our opposition in the coming AFL season.?
How Iraq Benefits From Eddie
1. Iraq?s dismal media performance will only improve. The Axis of Evil has been renamed the Emirates Axis of Freedom and McGuire will provide unbiased war commentary to western audiences.
2. Iraqi oil revenue will be used to upgrade ?Millionaire? to ?Billionaire?. McGuire said, ?Individual Americans are hardly going to want to blow us up if a billion dollars is up for grabs.?
3. Humiliating the opposition by turning George Bush into the new ?John Elliot?. McGuire will ply Bush with grog in the green room before turning him loose on air without cue cards or handlers.
4. Bringing other Collingwood sponsors onboard, including Cadbury to feed the Iraqis, Adidas to clothe them and Wizard Home Loans to help Iraqis rebuild.
McGuire said, ?As President of Iraq, I am considering a new long term rebuilding strategy that involves throwing this war season so we can access priority draft picks?I mean UN Aid. This strategy is tried and proven with Collingwood, Japan and Germany all doing well out of it in the past. This is the biggest trade since Brisbane traded Bucks to Collingwood.?
http://www.thebladder.com.au/content/contribution/default.asp?ContributionType=1&fullreport=2081
Eddie & Saddam Job Swap Shock
By Cleatus Sefton-Burns
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
The Butcher of Baghdad and the Boy from Broady have agreed to swap presidencies for the current AFL and War seasons. Here is The Bladder?s analysis of this shock and awe inspiring trade.
How Collingwood Benefits From Saddam
1. Seamless transition from one dictator to another.
2. New loss prevention strategy as Collingwood supporters are armed with sniper rifles.
3. More members, as armed Collingwood supporters go on a doorknocking membership campaign.
4. Improved gas weapons including a radical remote controlled exploding football that is inflated with Mustard Gas.
5. Fairer outcomes for Collingwood ensured by Saddam who will go armed to all AFL meetings.
6. Reduce threats by kidnapping the families of major opponents
7. Assassinating AFL President, Wayne Jackson, as a warning to other bureaucrats thinking about favouring foreign clubs.
Saddam said, ?President Eddie has set up a nice little dictatorship at the Collingwood Football Club, and the Collingwood supporters have already made me feel right at home. Allah willing, we will crush our opposition in the coming AFL season.?
How Iraq Benefits From Eddie
1. Iraq?s dismal media performance will only improve. The Axis of Evil has been renamed the Emirates Axis of Freedom and McGuire will provide unbiased war commentary to western audiences.
2. Iraqi oil revenue will be used to upgrade ?Millionaire? to ?Billionaire?. McGuire said, ?Individual Americans are hardly going to want to blow us up if a billion dollars is up for grabs.?
3. Humiliating the opposition by turning George Bush into the new ?John Elliot?. McGuire will ply Bush with grog in the green room before turning him loose on air without cue cards or handlers.
4. Bringing other Collingwood sponsors onboard, including Cadbury to feed the Iraqis, Adidas to clothe them and Wizard Home Loans to help Iraqis rebuild.
McGuire said, ?As President of Iraq, I am considering a new long term rebuilding strategy that involves throwing this war season so we can access priority draft picks?I mean UN Aid. This strategy is tried and proven with Collingwood, Japan and Germany all doing well out of it in the past. This is the biggest trade since Brisbane traded Bucks to Collingwood.?
http://www.thebladder.com.au/content/contribution/default.asp?ContributionType=1&fullreport=2081