Buddy (merged thread)

[DamY]

Hey, thanks for sharing your experience Ludwig

[MattW]

Gotta say watching the presser, Horse is one impressive individual. A very well-rounded person and leader.

Yep - proud of him.

[MattW]

This is another reminder of the importance of being kind to one another. It's great that he's admitted this and he has the support of everyone in the club. It can be a real isolating experience. It must be very serious to miss this game, an extreme measure. I wish him well.

I think we can win this week. I think it's almost a 50-50 proposition. There have been a lot of very good players this last month and still competition for spots despite the outs. Tippett, Reid, Heeney, Rohan at times and now McGlynn will be a very dangerous forward line. The challenge will be in the midfield. McVeigh looked extremely determined in the press conference today, and I sure the players will be. As someone said earlier - win and we're very well positioned. We can do it.

[Oooh, and congrats Hanners on the coaches award.]

[Ludwig]

I usually am a clown. Live like a clown, act like a clown, like being a clown.

But Ludwig, seriously, that is just about the most impressive thing I've read on here. Good on you

It's pretty obvious that I'm a clown myself.

It's a funny thing about depression. I used to be ashamed about it and guilty as well, because I let down a lot of people who had counted on me. It doesn't seem to relate to any other factors in life, like athleticism, intelligence, success or talent of any sort. It's very hard to understand and deal with when you're young, because you don't want to be depressed, but you just can't help it. It's like you hit the self-destruct button for no apparent reason.

I was on a rather long and regular cycle and it takes a number of these cycles before you begin to understand what's going on. I was diagnosed as manic-depressive (what it used to be called) as a teenager. But being told you have a particular mental condition doesn't really help your situation. Most of the time you can feel quite 'normal'.

When life sucks, it's understandable to be depressed (and it's not really what can be called clinical depression), but when you're someone like Buddy there can be a terrible and incomprehensible disconnect between the exterior life (what others see) and the internal life. When you're at the top of the world, everywhere you look from your position is down. I think that's why so many stars suffer from depression. The future looks worse than the present, or there is a fear that the future will be worse than the present.

I'm just speculating, but I think Buddy came to the Swans in part to get away from the familiar things in his Melbourne surroundings. Often you need a fresh start to take your mind off what's rattling around inside your head. That's why Buddy looked so great last year. There was so much to focus on outside his own mental condition. This year maybe things are starting to feel very much like the days at Hawthorn.

I am now in the enviable position to reflect on my life's experiences of mental illness with the advantage of being able to understand what transpired. Once the pain is well and truly gone, it's a lot easier to talk about. Those who manage to overcome depression can benefit from a much deeper understand of the world and what makes people do the things they do, because so much time is spent in self-analysis that you see yourself with a third person kind of perspective.

I don't know what kind of person Dane Swan is in real life, but he comes across as pretty relaxed about life. If I have any advice to give people suffering from depression it's not to take life or yourself too seriously. Easier said than done though. It took me a really long time to work that out.

[crackedactor]

Horse does not often have something to say (apart from the usual standard comments) But when he does he presents himself in a professional manner. As with Buddy, we may have to face the fact that we may never see him kicking a bag of goals again. Some people manage to recover and others like Mitch Clark, never seem to recover.

[Hotpotato]

Thank you for taking the the time to share all that Ludwig. Read it with great interest.

Pretty challenging week for everyone .

I've just read (in one sitting ) Killing Love by Rebecca Poulson about how she got through a shocking family Domestic Violence tragedy (lost her Dad and two very young cousins - killed by their father) . She was extremely close to all three . .

Some of us can emerge more or less intact from just about anything .... Eventually .. Can take a fair while.

I hope Buddy will soon regain hi mental health as well .

[dimelb]

Thank you Ludwig - an enlightening and impressive story. More power to you.

I'm sure Buddy's getting whatever he needs done, and it's right he should focus on recovering his wellbeing. I'm glad the club has got round him and look forward to seeing him in action again when he's ready.

And let's see the BLOODS on Saturday!

[Nico]

Panic attacks are common to anxiety and depression.

[giant]

I usually am a clown. Live like a clown, act like a clown, like being a clown.

But Ludwig, seriously, that is just about the most impressive thing I've read on here. Good on you

Hear hear. Really insightful and really brave. Thanks for sharing.

[cherub]

I think we don't know enough to make any comparison to anyone else, nor should we. Superficially, there is a lot of difference between Lance and Mitch Clark.
The thing that surprises me is the report that Lance drove Jacinta to the airport 2 days after the seizure. Contravenes National Standards big-time.

[PerthSwannie]

I know a lot of us oldies in the 40-60s group can be in a space where you think your world is worthless, but for a superhero like Bud going down the depression tunnel is a real concern for us all.

[dejavoodoo44]

I'm just assuming from the various reports and statements that Buddy is suffering from depression. I think if it were drugs or some other kind of mental illness things would have presented otherwise.

I am really empathetic with Buddy's situation.

I have been on a lifelong 5-7 year cyclic bipolar disorder and have spent loads of time with psychiatrists which started when I was 10. The depressions are really awful and it's just a terrible helpless feeling. It has nothing to do with one's status in life. My depressions often started when I was at the top of the world, only to see relationships, jobs and everything come crashing down. I remember friends in Sydney smashing down my window when I didn't answer the phone for a few days, thinking that I had committed suicide. Your friends feel helpless too, because there's nothing they seem to be able to do to make things better, no matter how hard they try.

Sometimes Buddy has that look in his eyes. I could feel for him.

On reflection, I have been one of the lucky ones because I have always cycled out through those truly wonderful 2-4 month manic periods when everything is possible and superhuman would not be an overstatement for how life is during those times. It's made for a very interesting life. It's a very special experience. I would even call it a privilege. I have only the greatest empathy for those who are unfortunate enough to only experience the depression side of things.

I've been on SSRI's in the past. They really take the life out of you, and are very difficult to ween yourself off from. Sometimes you can be left with a choice of being pleasant and completely bland or so listless that you can't get your body out of bed. It's hard to know where the energy went. It's like it's been sucked out of your body.

I've been out of the cycle for 9 years now. I managed to cure myself. It took a deep interest in the workings of the mind for me to figure out how to beat it. When you are Buddy's age, I think it can be much harder. It can be very difficult to reconcile how you can be someone that everyone would envy and why you can feel so bad inside your head.

Every case is different. It's hard to know what Buddy's situation is like and how much it affects his daily life. He seems really upbeat most of the time, and that's a good sign that he'll come out of it.

Interesting to read your post, internet pal: as I'm currently a mature age student, studying Biomedical Science, and I spent the previous twenty minutes or so before reading your post, writing an email to my favourite lecturer (even if he is a Hawks supporter) explaining why I want to cancel a presentation that I was due to give this afternoon. The reason I gave was the fact that I strongly suspect that I may have actually recently been in one of my rare manic phases and now I have rebounded into something more depressive. I tend to call it sludge mind, where nothing much registers and I have serious doubts about what I'm doing. And disturbingly, why I suspect that I may have been in a rare manic phase, is two main reasons, firstly I've been an exceptionally good mood recently, but hey I did think that was largely due to the fact that there are a large range of people whose company I find very enjoyable. Secondly, and more disturbingly, last night I went to find the documentation for a little bit information that I was basing an interesting part of my presentation on. I couldn't find it, so this morning a got up early and came into uni to access the all the medical journals that I can't access for free with my home computer. Still no sign of it. So there is a reasonable chance that I've actually constructed a narrative on something that wasn't actually there in the first place. Ugggghhh!
Having said all that, I'm generally okay, the half dose SSRIs seem to help, and usually I enjoy life and I'm usually capable of optimism.
As someone who has read a great deal by prominent neuroscientists and the like, I'd be interested to know what works for you.